After painstakingly analyzing every word of every recommended diary on dailykos.com for the last 27 months, my research has come to an end, and I am delighted to report my findings. I have come to several conclusions, some of which will no doubt come as a surprise.
My research methods consist of a highly sophisticated computer analysis procedure that is quantifiably quantitative, and of the utmost conventional qualitative quality. Don't worry if that makes no sense to you. Suffice to say, you should assume that you're too stupid to understand the methodology, certainly not that I'm making this up as I type.
I am pleased to release my most shocking finding to the community: most Daily Kos users do not favor Hillary Clinton for president.
Believe it. That is absolutely true. No, you "the man."
I'd like to thank you in advance for the tips and accolades you will be bestowing upon my requisite "Tip jar" comment below. Please understand that the results of my research are free to all, and that my sacrifice is out of love for you personally. I know how much my research is going to help this community, and I can only say, thank God for that.
Judging from the recent recommended diaries every day since approximately January 22, 2007, let me be the first to assure you anxious diary-writers that, not to worry, most people reading and contributing to dailykos.com actually agree with you already - no matter what you're about to write. For example, 98.4% of users agree that Hillary Clinton is arrogant, abrasive, calculating, dishonest, delusional, vicious, venomous, bloodthirsty, fatal, puppy-flesh-feasting, and Satan-spawned.
However, a scant 1.6% of Daily Kos usurpers "users" hold the rightfully marginalized view that Hillary Clinton is a "Democrat," whose impending loss is so inevitable that it's actually not necessary to destroy her at every opportunity. But my research clearly indicates a strong correlation between these users and "being ass-hats," as well as the practice of cannibalism, so...draw your own conclusions.
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Other unlikely findings include:
- Surprisingly strong support for the candidacy of Barack Obama - who knew?
- A clear cause/effect relationship between posting pictures of "pooties" and acquiring trusted user status
- Over-preponderance of latte-sipping, Berkenstock-wearing, and Volvo-driving - even simultaneously.
